This may end my blogging. I know no one wants to hear everyone else's problems, but I have no network of listeners other than you. Sorry if I drag you down, but I need to voice my frustrations.
As you have read I am a caregiver of my husband who has several things wrong with him. Parkinson's disease is the main issue. Dementia goes hand in hand with this disease and the person I married is changing again. We went through a spell of being lost while driving. We remedied that with he drives no more. I was working and he would call and say I don't know where I am. Scary and yet he was on the right road just didn't recognize it. This happened about 10 years ago and since then he lets me drive and gave up his license.
Now the physical part is showing up with not being able to swallow food and almost two years of constantly hooked to a machine to pump liquid food in his stomach. He can swallow now, but there are days he doesn't want to eat. The meds he is on is an appetite suppressant and he doesn't feel hungry. Wish I could say the same thing. I am obese and it is from stress eating. Working on that also.
Now the change we are going through a spell now where he is obsessed with getting things done right now. It is part of the Dementia again. Then he doesn't want to stop to eat. From the time he gets up until he goes to bed he is on the go. He takes breaks and some days just can't go anymore. He gets light headed and dizzy and it is low blood sugar, but we don't stop. His mood switches rapidly.
Ok enough about him. It has taken some of my life away from me because I am so afraid to leave and he will get into a situation where he collapses. I use to take my Mother to go shopping at quilt shops, but we haven't been in months. I can't burden her with all the stress so I keep it to myself many times. Yes we have kids, but they are working and have their own problems. Some more than others.
I have tried not always well to stay upbeat and yet it is overtaking me and the feeling of suffocation is overwhelming at the moment. Every time there is something emotional on TV I cry. I wake up in a lot of pain from being overweight and the effort to take it off is set back on the back burner. I have read enough and have thought this through enough that I know I need to do something for me. Yes ME! But the truth is this is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done.
My husband and I have been together for 25 years and we have never and I mean never gone on a vacation together or slept in beds other than our own. Not that I didn't want to, but the effects of the Parkinson's was somewhat evident when I married him that many years ago. He is a home body and to go someplace is a hard thing for him to do.
I use to travel some and I use to go places by myself before husband and kids. Now I am afraid of what I will come home to. He looks good to look at him, but his actions are becoming more strange. Parkinson's is a disease that reacts differently on different people. The shaking is common, but the mental part of it is different.
My relax time has been to get up in the morning and sew. But one of the issues with weight loss is the sleep factor. I sleep on the average 5-7 hours a night and it is up and down. I can sit up for over an hour and then go back to bed and not sleep for another hour. Part of it is not knowing what the next day will bring and part of it is the arthritis I am feeling. Being over weight is no fun. I was eating to hide my lack of ability to handle the stress. I have lost about 12 pounds and it goes up and down, but the want to eat more is killing me. My comfort zone was to eat. Now I don't have that and it is hard to find something to replace the negative feelings I have.
You weren't ready for all this were you. But how many more of us are facing similar things. Maybe not as stressful as mine, but we all experience things that cause stress. Paying bills, facing the doctor, dealing with aging parents, kids and grandkids. Now who can deal with this all themselves. Yes I have faith and yes I do question my faith and try and be a better person. Then when I think I get a handle on something a new dilemma shows it's ugly head.
I made a vow to myself that with weight an issue in my family I wouldn't allow this to happen to me. Well guess what I wasn't strong enough to overcome the demons.
Now my thoughts are that I have been hiding and I need to come out of the closet. I need help, but the help I get will have to come from outside my immediate surroundings. I need to get into the sewing room more and also find something that makes me escape from my dungeon of stress. I know that isn't going to happen easily and yet I have to convince myself I can find a little corner of comfort and relaxation that doesn't include food. Walking would be a good thing but the arthritis is so bad it is not a fun time.
My goal is to loose some more weight and then maybe the joints won't scream so loudly at me when I make the exercise effort. I plan on not boring you with every pound I loose, but I maybe will be more absent at times. I need new clothes and I refuse to buy a size larger than what I am wearing. As I said this is a confession and don't feel sorry for me. I have done this to myself.
No the health issues of my husband are not my fault but the abuse of myself is my problem. Plus if any one else is going through something like this take care of yourself. Depression and blame are a big factor that only a caregiver can understand. Take a bubble bath, take a walk, do some sewing, clean a dresser drawer don't let things get in your way and ruin your life along with the stress you feel. I was warned to not let my health go and look at me now. Shame on me. Chris
Monday, May 7, 2012
Monday tip
Trying to clean up some of the scraps my granddaughter shoved into tubs. Doing it a tub at a time. Some is garment fabric that got mixed in. The trimming and disposing of the to small pieces made me get more motivated to get organized.
I am cutting and squaring up pieces and placing them in the tubs to be used at a future date.
This is 2.5 inch squares. Good size to handle and yet they can be used in a lot of blocks. Anything large enough to be cut into this size square is getting placed all in the same tub.
This is 1.5 inch strips. I have a medium to dark tub and a light tub of this size strips. Good for Log Cabins, Courthouse steps and also for small piecing. They are at random lengths but all 1.5 inch in width. Tip is to get more organized and use up the mess as a starting point for a scrappy quilt.
I am cutting and squaring up pieces and placing them in the tubs to be used at a future date.
This is 2.5 inch squares. Good size to handle and yet they can be used in a lot of blocks. Anything large enough to be cut into this size square is getting placed all in the same tub.
This is 1.5 inch strips. I have a medium to dark tub and a light tub of this size strips. Good for Log Cabins, Courthouse steps and also for small piecing. They are at random lengths but all 1.5 inch in width. Tip is to get more organized and use up the mess as a starting point for a scrappy quilt.
I have emptied three of these tubs of late in quilt blocks and re cutting for the storage tubs according to size. I have 2 inch, 2.5 inch, 1.5 strips, 1.25 strips, 1 inch and 1.75 inch strips. I have 1.5 squares, 2 inch sq's and 2.5 inch squares.
I also have a tub of sewn HST not trimmed. They can be used as I need them and trimmed to the size I need at the time. Several quilts on my bucket list use different sized blocks. Elements of these blocks can be used from this collection of strips and squares.
I need to get myself back in there and use my time wisely. It is raining here and no outside work can happen today. We have had over an inch of rain since late last night. We are still behind on moisture for this area, but we had such a mild winter.
Going to cut and slice today see where I get with all this. Chris
Sunday, May 6, 2012
When is Enough Enough
I have followed some wonderful blogs of late and I still am inspired by the skills and the knowledge of these bloggers and their craft. I really envy many in the fact that I wish I had half the skills they have. I guess I will admit I have some skills but some days only enough to get me into more trouble. My biggest fear after all the work I put into a quilt will I like it when done.
I try and learn from my mistakes and yet I hear of these fantastic quilters that they have to rip out and say well that didn't work out as well as I had hope. The icing that is on the cake is when your fears are overcome and the outcome is better than you first thought.
When is enough enough? Sounds funny, but my thought on the subject is this. Enough is when you are happy with the outcome.
I love to see all the machine and hand quilting that goes into a finished quilt. I admire the hours and hours of work that is accomplished. I am aware of these hours because I am a quilter. A lay person has no idea how long it takes to make a top let alone quilt it. As you well know it takes longer than a couple hours to make a quilt.
One of the things I try and figure out is the type of usage a quilt is going to have. Bed quilt, Wall hanging or a piece of art work that will never get used. Most of my quilts will get used and wear out at some point.
The bed size quilts should have a fair amount of drape. They will have to cover the bed and be a nice soft drape or feel to them. So many times the batting and the amount of quilting play a big role in the overall feel of a quilt. I read were several quilters will use two batts. And the outcome is beautiful, but is this right for your application.
Back to the drape and the batting. Is the closeness off the stitching enough to capture the right amount of quilting needed for the purpose you have intended the quilt for. Stippling and outline stitching can hold a quilt together, but does it give the overall effect you want for your quilts. I love feathers and yet can we over do the amount of feathers that are used on a quilt. I know this is a statement of a quilters taste in the finished product. Glad to say we don't all feel the need to copy each other in the density of the quilting and the type of quilting we do.
Skills are another factor. I use to think only LA quilters had the skills. Well am I so wrong on this front. Hand quilters are far superior of quilters because they have the skills in their little hands and fingers. Rocking the needle in and out of the sandwich quilt is a skill that many of use admire. The other skill they have is patience. The time element is great and yet we complain about it taking so much time to finish a quilt. As my husband says all good things take time.
Machine quilters are the most inventive. They had to learn to wrestle with a quilt even with a treadle machine. They learned it would go faster than a hand quilter, but it wasn't always easier. Then came the skills of making the quilt look like an artist had drawn lines and we followed them. Up and down sideways and back. The skills were life like and pretty, but did it work? Yes it held the quilt together and looked pleasing to look at. It wasn't just straight stitching it was floral and scroll work that only a hand quilter could accomplish. The machine quilted moved on to the next level and made a new and inviting thing to do. With machine quilting we could get more than one quilt done in a year as hand piecing and hand quilting maybe would only allow us to do.
Then the skills of the LA quilter has taken us to the highest level so far. We see quilt shows just for LA quilters. We see two quilters getting awards. The piecer and the LA quilter taking home prizes for the collaboration on a master piece. Is there a height or level we will achieve and have to reinvent our craft? Who knows. We can now print our own fabrics we can fuse out applique shapes, we can envision the quilt on the computer before we tackle the chore of cutting also add the fabrics to make it look like the finished quilt before we start. What happened to the pins and scissors and newspaper templates?
I don't think there is ever enough that a quilter can do to make this industry come to it's end. Is there enough. We still look eagerly to the net to see if there is a new technique and new skills we need to accomplish to make our sewing time less stressful and that way we can produce more innovative skills than ever before. Who would have ever though an embroidery machine could do fancy machine quilting for you. Set it up and walk away until the area is quilted.
Is some of the joy of taking your time and working through the process being taken away because we don't do it all by hand. Or our life styles pushing us to use updated skills to make the pretty things all women and men want in their lives. Is enough enough? I think not. We have only brushed the tip of the iceberg and we will invent and climb the highest mountain to achieve the best skills we can. Is there an end. NO! Because we are redoing things are Mother's and Grandmother's did before us, but in a new method and time. Now off to invent and do your own things. Chris
I try and learn from my mistakes and yet I hear of these fantastic quilters that they have to rip out and say well that didn't work out as well as I had hope. The icing that is on the cake is when your fears are overcome and the outcome is better than you first thought.
When is enough enough? Sounds funny, but my thought on the subject is this. Enough is when you are happy with the outcome.I love to see all the machine and hand quilting that goes into a finished quilt. I admire the hours and hours of work that is accomplished. I am aware of these hours because I am a quilter. A lay person has no idea how long it takes to make a top let alone quilt it. As you well know it takes longer than a couple hours to make a quilt.
One of the things I try and figure out is the type of usage a quilt is going to have. Bed quilt, Wall hanging or a piece of art work that will never get used. Most of my quilts will get used and wear out at some point.
The bed size quilts should have a fair amount of drape. They will have to cover the bed and be a nice soft drape or feel to them. So many times the batting and the amount of quilting play a big role in the overall feel of a quilt. I read were several quilters will use two batts. And the outcome is beautiful, but is this right for your application.
Back to the drape and the batting. Is the closeness off the stitching enough to capture the right amount of quilting needed for the purpose you have intended the quilt for. Stippling and outline stitching can hold a quilt together, but does it give the overall effect you want for your quilts. I love feathers and yet can we over do the amount of feathers that are used on a quilt. I know this is a statement of a quilters taste in the finished product. Glad to say we don't all feel the need to copy each other in the density of the quilting and the type of quilting we do.
Skills are another factor. I use to think only LA quilters had the skills. Well am I so wrong on this front. Hand quilters are far superior of quilters because they have the skills in their little hands and fingers. Rocking the needle in and out of the sandwich quilt is a skill that many of use admire. The other skill they have is patience. The time element is great and yet we complain about it taking so much time to finish a quilt. As my husband says all good things take time.
Machine quilters are the most inventive. They had to learn to wrestle with a quilt even with a treadle machine. They learned it would go faster than a hand quilter, but it wasn't always easier. Then came the skills of making the quilt look like an artist had drawn lines and we followed them. Up and down sideways and back. The skills were life like and pretty, but did it work? Yes it held the quilt together and looked pleasing to look at. It wasn't just straight stitching it was floral and scroll work that only a hand quilter could accomplish. The machine quilted moved on to the next level and made a new and inviting thing to do. With machine quilting we could get more than one quilt done in a year as hand piecing and hand quilting maybe would only allow us to do.
Then the skills of the LA quilter has taken us to the highest level so far. We see quilt shows just for LA quilters. We see two quilters getting awards. The piecer and the LA quilter taking home prizes for the collaboration on a master piece. Is there a height or level we will achieve and have to reinvent our craft? Who knows. We can now print our own fabrics we can fuse out applique shapes, we can envision the quilt on the computer before we tackle the chore of cutting also add the fabrics to make it look like the finished quilt before we start. What happened to the pins and scissors and newspaper templates?
I don't think there is ever enough that a quilter can do to make this industry come to it's end. Is there enough. We still look eagerly to the net to see if there is a new technique and new skills we need to accomplish to make our sewing time less stressful and that way we can produce more innovative skills than ever before. Who would have ever though an embroidery machine could do fancy machine quilting for you. Set it up and walk away until the area is quilted.
Is some of the joy of taking your time and working through the process being taken away because we don't do it all by hand. Or our life styles pushing us to use updated skills to make the pretty things all women and men want in their lives. Is enough enough? I think not. We have only brushed the tip of the iceberg and we will invent and climb the highest mountain to achieve the best skills we can. Is there an end. NO! Because we are redoing things are Mother's and Grandmother's did before us, but in a new method and time. Now off to invent and do your own things. Chris
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Got busy this morning
I decided this had been sewn together for about three years so I grabbed it and quilted this for a table topper. We have a trunk coffee table and it gets lots of use. I try and keep something on it to protect the wood from all the use. 
As you can see it is the central location for papers, medicines and remotes. My husband eats there and it is used for the kids when they come also.
Here are the latest birdhouses he has made. He had some requests and now no one to buy after he gets them made. The one on the left is a squirrel feeder. It looks like an outhouse.
This is just hanging on a hook on the inside wall of my living room . It is a wall hanger and a birdhouse attached. It swivels to what ever direction you want it to face.
I am off to do more laundry and get the table topper I took off clean and put away. These were scrap blocks from a quilt that was made about 7 years ago for a 13 year old. I used them up and now it is a useful item and not laying in a pile in the sewing room. Chris
As you can see it is the central location for papers, medicines and remotes. My husband eats there and it is used for the kids when they come also.
Here are the latest birdhouses he has made. He had some requests and now no one to buy after he gets them made. The one on the left is a squirrel feeder. It looks like an outhouse.
This is just hanging on a hook on the inside wall of my living room . It is a wall hanger and a birdhouse attached. It swivels to what ever direction you want it to face.
I am off to do more laundry and get the table topper I took off clean and put away. These were scrap blocks from a quilt that was made about 7 years ago for a 13 year old. I used them up and now it is a useful item and not laying in a pile in the sewing room. ChrisFriday, May 4, 2012
Recovery day
Yesterday was a day to beat all days. We got up and decided to get the tomatoes and peppers planted. In and out of the house garden shed and the garage and three hours later we had our tomatoes and the neighbors done.
The neighbor went out to mow his yard and his mower wouldn't stay running so he borrowed our rider and got his mowed. Then my husband decided to mow our yard and another neighbor stopped him to tell him he had mower troubles and could he bring his down. He wasn't finished mowing all the yards. So he stopped and fixed the man's mower. Then he jumped on ours and finished the last yard. We had storms coming in shortly and I wanted the man off the rider and in the house. At 6:30pm we ate a quick supper and he got cleaned up. Then it is hurry up and wait for the storm. It was tracking our way and it was showing tornadic tendencies so we were concerned about going to bed and have a huge storm hit us. At 10:30pm the lightening and thunder hit. We got some wind and lots of rain. No damage, but we had just planted the plants and after all the work we were worried they were to tender to withstand the winds. We had tied them to stakes and they seemed to have weathered the storm fine. The rain perked them up and they look fine today.
Needless to say my husband got up and now is asleep on the couch this morning. He did way to much for his condition yesterday and he will pay for it the next several days. MEN!!!!!
I have laundry started and the dishwasher is loaded and running. I should run the vacuum, but he is asleep. Maybe I will get some prep work done on my applique project. I also have sandwiching to do to get the quilt going I ripped apart. So many things to do and I feel like just sitting and looking at magazines. Time will tell. Recovery will happen but not sure how soon. Chris
The neighbor went out to mow his yard and his mower wouldn't stay running so he borrowed our rider and got his mowed. Then my husband decided to mow our yard and another neighbor stopped him to tell him he had mower troubles and could he bring his down. He wasn't finished mowing all the yards. So he stopped and fixed the man's mower. Then he jumped on ours and finished the last yard. We had storms coming in shortly and I wanted the man off the rider and in the house. At 6:30pm we ate a quick supper and he got cleaned up. Then it is hurry up and wait for the storm. It was tracking our way and it was showing tornadic tendencies so we were concerned about going to bed and have a huge storm hit us. At 10:30pm the lightening and thunder hit. We got some wind and lots of rain. No damage, but we had just planted the plants and after all the work we were worried they were to tender to withstand the winds. We had tied them to stakes and they seemed to have weathered the storm fine. The rain perked them up and they look fine today.
Needless to say my husband got up and now is asleep on the couch this morning. He did way to much for his condition yesterday and he will pay for it the next several days. MEN!!!!!
I have laundry started and the dishwasher is loaded and running. I should run the vacuum, but he is asleep. Maybe I will get some prep work done on my applique project. I also have sandwiching to do to get the quilt going I ripped apart. So many things to do and I feel like just sitting and looking at magazines. Time will tell. Recovery will happen but not sure how soon. Chris
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Tools
I turned off the computer so didn't have the use of my printer/scanner. So went to the old method of copying my pattern piecing. Tracing is the method. We had a storm front go through and decided while it was storming I could trace off patterns and not have anything electrical on. 
I got my cheap tools out. Yes I am cheap. I wish I could afford better tools, but I still would look to save money. I used a mechanical pencil and as you know they have lead that smudges when you need to erase blunders.
I am sorry I can't give credit to the quilter whose blog I read about using a white eraser to remove pencil lines. This quilter said to look at Dollar Stores for a good buy for these erasers. Well soon after that I went to a new dollar store and found a whole pack of them for a $1. I should have bought some more. Maybe will go back and see if they have anymore.
They work without smudging the paper. The suggestion was a great one and I want to pass it on. If you are the original messenger thank you for the idea of looking at the dollar store. This would be a good eraser for Children also. It is a nice size to handle and yet it does a wonderful job.
The next tool I use is Contractors paper or Architect paper.
I buy it in rolls and cut the pieces off the size I want. It was $25 a roll, but I have gotten so many more uses out of it over buying in the pads. Also the length issue is covered. If you have a big area to trace I can unroll the paper and cut the length of my choice off of it. I save any small pieces for small tracings also. I then save my master tracing and use for positioning of applique pieces.
The other thing is the paper is thin and can be stored within the confines of the book cover. I use a paper clip to secure to the cover and I have them available when ever I want to reuse this pattern.
As you can see it it transparent and works well for tracing. Also you can use it to position applique pieces on your blocks because you can see it. When you fold it it is thin and you can store it really flat. This was bought at a paper store, but the big box office supply store carry it now. I also found it in printer paper size so it can be used in your printers without having to trim the paper to fit the printer. This is 24 inches in width and about 50 feet in length. The good thing is you don't have a lot of printer paper sized pieces taped together to get a design traced on.
I got my cheap tools out. Yes I am cheap. I wish I could afford better tools, but I still would look to save money. I used a mechanical pencil and as you know they have lead that smudges when you need to erase blunders.
I am sorry I can't give credit to the quilter whose blog I read about using a white eraser to remove pencil lines. This quilter said to look at Dollar Stores for a good buy for these erasers. Well soon after that I went to a new dollar store and found a whole pack of them for a $1. I should have bought some more. Maybe will go back and see if they have anymore.
They work without smudging the paper. The suggestion was a great one and I want to pass it on. If you are the original messenger thank you for the idea of looking at the dollar store. This would be a good eraser for Children also. It is a nice size to handle and yet it does a wonderful job.
The next tool I use is Contractors paper or Architect paper.I buy it in rolls and cut the pieces off the size I want. It was $25 a roll, but I have gotten so many more uses out of it over buying in the pads. Also the length issue is covered. If you have a big area to trace I can unroll the paper and cut the length of my choice off of it. I save any small pieces for small tracings also. I then save my master tracing and use for positioning of applique pieces.
The other thing is the paper is thin and can be stored within the confines of the book cover. I use a paper clip to secure to the cover and I have them available when ever I want to reuse this pattern.
As you can see it it transparent and works well for tracing. Also you can use it to position applique pieces on your blocks because you can see it. When you fold it it is thin and you can store it really flat. This was bought at a paper store, but the big box office supply store carry it now. I also found it in printer paper size so it can be used in your printers without having to trim the paper to fit the printer. This is 24 inches in width and about 50 feet in length. The good thing is you don't have a lot of printer paper sized pieces taped together to get a design traced on. So when you are in the dollar stores and the office supply stores look and see what is available for your needs. I read a post on a blog where the placement guide for applique was traced onto acetate or clear acrylic with dry marker. This way you can reuse the acetate sheet over and over again. This really makes sense. It amazes me the thinking outside the box that quilters use to meet their needs.
Put your thinking caps on and look around for the best use of supplies and products that can save you money and work for more than one purpose.
I read so many blogs and I have these DAH! moments when I think why didn't I think of that. I admire those who come up with a solution to their needs and no cost is outlaid for expensive tools. Look at your tools and see if you have all that you need. Chris
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Confessions of a bad quilter
I really am a bad quilter. I just can't get motivated. I tried to get some hand work ready as I stated I would and I failed. Well not totally. I ran out of time. My Mom had and eye appointment yesterday and I wanted to have some hand work when I went with her. I didn't get the work to the point of hand work. 
This is going to be a table runner. It is more spring and summer looking. It has applique and piecing both in the finished table runner. My camera didn't like the glossy pages in the book.
I bought this book a while back on sale at Connecting Threads. I like the period flowers in the applique and also the piecing is simple and very retro looking.
This is a good book by Cynthia Tomaszewski. I have admired her patterns in the older Quilter Newsletters. She uses the 30's-50's look and yet uses the newer fabrics to make the look come alive.
This is going to be a table runner. It is more spring and summer looking. It has applique and piecing both in the finished table runner. My camera didn't like the glossy pages in the book.
I bought this book a while back on sale at Connecting Threads. I like the period flowers in the applique and also the piecing is simple and very retro looking.
This is a good book by Cynthia Tomaszewski. I have admired her patterns in the older Quilter Newsletters. She uses the 30's-50's look and yet uses the newer fabrics to make the look come alive.
Today we have a small window of clear weather to get the yards done. We are to get rain the rest of the week. So this will be put on hold a little longer to get the work done outside. I hope the weather holds off a couple hours to get the jump on this grass. Otherwise we will have such a long mess to clean up after it dries out next week. We also need to get tomato plants outside they have grown so much, some are waist high in the house. We have blossoms starting on one of them. Not to us that we need to not plant seeds so early next year. Chris
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