Friday, January 6, 2012

Been thinking and the shame of it all.

Really has been a quiet New Year so far. I have been accessing my life style and also my bad habits. No I don't drink or smoke. I have a problem with procrastinating and also trying to cover up my feelings.
I am a very frustrated with my situation. My husband isn't well as many know and I have to stay around for him. Yes he is much better than a couple years ago and my freedom of staying in the house is relieved a bit. We have had a mild winter so far and I have been wanting to get outside and try and enjoy the fresh air. BUT.... Here is the kicker I tell myself that I can't leave him alone. So I sit and stay in the same room with him. Not good because I don't get out and move and I am miserable.
I stuff my feelings some days with food and that has been a disaster for me.
Then I want to sew and I feel like I am abandoning him by being in another room. He says come sit with me. I feel bad because I go to bed before him so I can have some alone time and I get up before him to sew. I wish I didn't feel the way I do about it. Being a caregiver and wife to the same person is hard. I need to spend some more time with my Mother and I feel guilty not getting there, but the time with my husband seems more important, but is it?? More than likely my Mother will go before my husband at this point. BUT... Am I fooling myself? Selfish I don't want to be, but I am frustrated as many caregivers get. Chris

1 comment:

Hettie said...

Chris I think you realize I know what I'm talking about being in a similar situation. The advice a doctor gave me..... the kinder you are to yourself, the kinder you'll be towards the person you care for. If you stay indoors and become miserable then you'll become a miserable caregiver.
Charity begins at home and in this case 'home' being YOU.